Gabby and Tash after a sleepover at my place and tea time.

I’ve pretty much had the best weekend in a long time. Even with work interspersed, yes. Danced to cumbia, had a sleepover, met new friends who act like old friends, late afternoon tea time and the best conversations. My friends are hysterically funny and I like it like that. Talking to Cat on the phone is therapeutic.  I love her! Also, Mad Men premiere tonight as though I had to mention it. Only TV I really watch and I miss the entertainment.

But enough about that, I just feel I have great folks in my life. I don’t show enough love to them but maybe winter felt like time to myself and now I’m ready to have at least a little fun. Ready for some traveling too. I miss being on the road.

I also want to say, because I don’t say it nearly enough, that I have great women in my life. Strong, beautiful, smart women who have been through a whole lot and yet still have glorious smiles on their faces. I’m grateful for how all the women friends in my life are completely different from each other and different from me yet we are still perfect for one another. So happy for this weekend and all that is to come.

P.S. it means even more to me to be taking pictures again. This isn’t a super fancy picture but it means a lot to me. And maybe I’m ready to step into doing portraits.

Last week was really hard and so this is the last time I really complain so I can get over it and have a great new week. Because March is awesome and I don’t feel like being down about it:

I missed one of my favorite bands, The Velvet Teen, three times in one week. Don’t ask me how that happened especially since one of their shows was actually held in San Antonio. Like right downtown, which is a 10 minute bike ride from my house. Nothing went as planned.

I even tried SXSW which I’ve attended once before and forgot that I don’t enjoy it at all. Austin is not a fun city anymore. It used to be the place I wanted to live and then something about its spirit died down. Not completely lost, mind you, but I know I’m better for not choosing that as my home after my time in Denver. In fact, Austin might be better for it considering what true Austinites want you to know, Visit Austin, Don’t Move Here. Sorry Austin but your condos have already been built and also SXSW featured a giant Doritos vending machine. So yeah.

Of course, this is inevitable progress and so I feel like the commercial aspect of it doesn’t make me completely upset. Sell it if you got it. But the people attending. Well, an obvious fashion show. Had to be seen and not see the bands. Look up from your phones, young people! The marching bands and buskers made the 5 hours I spent there much more bearable and the taxi drivers are nice. Especially if they know you’re from San Antonio. It makes you less tourist-y I guess. And I sat outside a packed venue to listen to Dev Hynes for a little bit. He sounded good but there was no way I was waiting in that line. I’ve done music festivals before and have enjoyed them thoroughly. However, SXSW doesn’t seem to be a music festival. It’s missing that feeling of a transient community most music festivals have to offer. Walk around, get stupid, look good while doing it and try not to pass out in the street. And if you happen to catch a new band who’s name you won’t remember tomorrow, well SUCCESS.

I was also sick for half of the week. The first 3 days I kept waking up a 5AM even though I go to sleep at 10:30. And the rest of the week I was just tired. I don’t know what’s wrong with my body but hopefully I’ll feel a 100% this week. There have been other depressing feelings but I’ll leave it at that.

To make up for what seemed like a lot of difficulties last week, I’ll share, above, the best twitter convo ever with Matthew Izen of TVT. I saw him and Casey Dietz after the show I missed and though I talked to them briefly, they were really nice, asked my name, and shook my hand. Genuine hearts. He had hoped I could go to their Flowerbooking showcase the next day which was not happening. But I thanked them via Twitter anyway and got this sweet reply. It means a lot and kind of gives me hope I’ll see them maybe sometime this year. And hopefully soon. I’ve never seen them live and all the missed chances were really upsetting. It made me feel like I’ll never see them. Now I have a little hope things will go better.

I also downloaded Santigold’s “Disparate Youth” and it made me feel better about a lot of things. I put it on repeat and let it move me. The lyrics are probably going on that list of most important ones in my life:

And then the dog had puppies. We’ve counted 4 so far but since she decided to go underneath the house to have them we can’t really tell. It’s really beautiful even if they are all slimy and slightly pink.

And so I feel good today. Not really good, but good and I’ll take that. I’m just going to try and enjoy the rest of the month and not get stressed out. I’m going to plan better (which may help me not fail so much as “not planning” is what ruined things), if I want something badly I’m going to take it but first, I’m going to take care of business. We don’t tell ourselves enough that everything will be OK. You think back at past difficulties and realize you made it through it. So why you trippin’ now? Everything will be OK, it’s not that big of a deal, and it won’t matter. Nothing matters but faith and love. So here goes the rest of March.

jasonrbradshaw

latimes:

Roald Dahl’s writing shed

I need a writing shed. Or a creating shed. But nothing has happened. The warehouse thing is taking it’s time. So is the apartment thing. So is the hitting-the-road thing. I’m that 23 year old who lives back with her parents. What’s up with that? How do people get things to start happening? My job isn’t even time-consuming. And I even get paid well where I’m at. I should be out doing lots of things!

This is the awesome warehouse space I may be substituting a real home for. The guy is willing to go down to $600 a month for me but I still may not be able to do it. I’m looking elsewhere for now until I cave. Also, my friend has invited me to do a photo show with a bunch of her friends for Día de los Muertos. That would be cool because I haven’t done a photo show in a long time & I’m trying to find more ways to stay creative. I’m trying to put projects in front of me, set a timeline, and have a final product. But why do I feel all over the place right now?

Maybe if I wrote it out it would make more sense. So here’s what going on in my head:

• I don’t want to rent another apartment, with or without a roommate. It pains me to think of signing a lease for a year when I want to go in and out of San Antonio. I don’t want to make a “home” for myself. My parents took me on a lot of road trips as a kid and travel has always been the most important thing. I miss the road. I don’t care for stuff except maybe art and books. Despite not wanting an apartment, I’ve always wanted a personal space. I’ve always wanted a sort of sanctuary. And I’ve always wanted to set up this mythical space so in the end I could share it with others. Kind of like how kids feel about treehouses and Little Rascal-like clubhouses. It’s not your home but it’s pretty darn close and I would love that more than an apartment.
• Travel. Going around the US & Mexico is enough for me. I don’t really care to go to Europe except maybe Germany & a millisecond in London. Brazil and Argentina are the only real far-away places I’ve always wanted to go. And I pray next year will be the time I do get to go. I haven’t decided what country of Africa I’d like to go to, but once I do more research, it’s on that list too of places I want to visit. Europe has never really been number 1. I did take French for five years. I think I’d rather use that on a Caribbean island. I guess I’m more interested in African, Indian, Indigenous, and Latin cultures so seeing old buildings in Europe has never appealed to me. Traveling has always been about culture and immersing myself in a community. Statues and monuments have had little impact on my travel life. The food I eat, the music I hear, and the people I meet though have been the best experiences for me. I’d like to have those experiences in Africa, India, and Latin America.
• I do like my job. I’m up to 6 days a week now unfortunately, but it’s definitely an in-and-out kind of place. I’m there and I’m gone. It’s not my life. I get along with my co-workers and I work hard but once I clock out, I can forget that place. It’s hard to remember that at times because you can get into this comfort zone. But I have to keep in mind that I am not what pays the bills. Plain & Simple.
• Education. Don’t want to go back to school full-time but I would like to take classes in things that interest me. I want to learn how to screen print & sew. I’d like to take a darkroom class. I would love to do a yoga class again. I want to keep learning and that’s why I keep reading. My method of getting an education needs to be different. But I need to make that effort to make that happen.
• I’m really bad at organizing things and having an overall plan for stuff. So I’m wondering if every final product will even get it’s debut. I may finish it but it also may stay up on the shelf. I have lots of good friends and I’m wondering when and how I will reach out. I feel that if I sign this lease, if I make another portfolio, if I do another zine, then what? I’m terribly jealous of all those people who know how to organize because I honestly don’t know where to go from here.

Overall, I wonder if I’m just scared. But I feel so excited about it that I don’t know why I would be scared. Asking for help is always my weakest trait I guess and a lot of things I want to do will take community. I can’t do it alone. So I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. If only I could retreat into a writing shed to really think it over.

(Source: Los Angeles Times)