Sketchbook Project

Still working on the 3rd picture for my sketchbook. I don’t think I meant to make it a story but it’s turning out that way slightly. This will be penned in and made a lot better but I’m glad I’m still working on it. This is based on a picture I took so I’m doing my best to make it different from the actual photo. Getting back into drawing has made me realize how little I use my imagination these days and if this project is supposed to be fun, I’m going to have to turn on the light in the ol’ attic.

I used to draw a lot as a kid and thought I’d grow up to be a children’s book illustrator. I made homemade individual Valentine’s Day cards for all 15 students (and the teacher) for my 3rd grade class. My mom let me stay up late so I could finish it. I made a book for my best friend across the street. The Best Friend Book, which I worked on for longer than an hour, was my gift for her. Just drawings of us being best friends, ha! It meant a lot to make something for someone from what I thought was my true talent. And it just made it easier to tell a story.

Then it all became about competition and someone telling me they were better than me at drawing like in middle school. So I stopped. It stopped being fun. And I just left doodles in the margins of my spiral notebooks. It became less natural to me because I was stopping myself from really drawing. It makes me sad to think how much better I could be at drawing today if I kept at it but I guess it’s never too late to start. Honestly, this picture looks a lot like how I used to draw as a little kid so I guess I’m just starting over. And I’m starting over in the best place, when it used to be fun. The process has felt more organic the more I go at it. I want to see what I can do and I can’t wait for the finished product!

latimes:

Roald Dahl’s writing shed

I need a writing shed. Or a creating shed. But nothing has happened. The warehouse thing is taking it’s time. So is the apartment thing. So is the hitting-the-road thing. I’m that 23 year old who lives back with her parents. What’s up with that? How do people get things to start happening? My job isn’t even time-consuming. And I even get paid well where I’m at. I should be out doing lots of things!

This is the awesome warehouse space I may be substituting a real home for. The guy is willing to go down to $600 a month for me but I still may not be able to do it. I’m looking elsewhere for now until I cave. Also, my friend has invited me to do a photo show with a bunch of her friends for Día de los Muertos. That would be cool because I haven’t done a photo show in a long time & I’m trying to find more ways to stay creative. I’m trying to put projects in front of me, set a timeline, and have a final product. But why do I feel all over the place right now?

Maybe if I wrote it out it would make more sense. So here’s what going on in my head:

• I don’t want to rent another apartment, with or without a roommate. It pains me to think of signing a lease for a year when I want to go in and out of San Antonio. I don’t want to make a “home” for myself. My parents took me on a lot of road trips as a kid and travel has always been the most important thing. I miss the road. I don’t care for stuff except maybe art and books. Despite not wanting an apartment, I’ve always wanted a personal space. I’ve always wanted a sort of sanctuary. And I’ve always wanted to set up this mythical space so in the end I could share it with others. Kind of like how kids feel about treehouses and Little Rascal-like clubhouses. It’s not your home but it’s pretty darn close and I would love that more than an apartment.
• Travel. Going around the US & Mexico is enough for me. I don’t really care to go to Europe except maybe Germany & a millisecond in London. Brazil and Argentina are the only real far-away places I’ve always wanted to go. And I pray next year will be the time I do get to go. I haven’t decided what country of Africa I’d like to go to, but once I do more research, it’s on that list too of places I want to visit. Europe has never really been number 1. I did take French for five years. I think I’d rather use that on a Caribbean island. I guess I’m more interested in African, Indian, Indigenous, and Latin cultures so seeing old buildings in Europe has never appealed to me. Traveling has always been about culture and immersing myself in a community. Statues and monuments have had little impact on my travel life. The food I eat, the music I hear, and the people I meet though have been the best experiences for me. I’d like to have those experiences in Africa, India, and Latin America.
• I do like my job. I’m up to 6 days a week now unfortunately, but it’s definitely an in-and-out kind of place. I’m there and I’m gone. It’s not my life. I get along with my co-workers and I work hard but once I clock out, I can forget that place. It’s hard to remember that at times because you can get into this comfort zone. But I have to keep in mind that I am not what pays the bills. Plain & Simple.
• Education. Don’t want to go back to school full-time but I would like to take classes in things that interest me. I want to learn how to screen print & sew. I’d like to take a darkroom class. I would love to do a yoga class again. I want to keep learning and that’s why I keep reading. My method of getting an education needs to be different. But I need to make that effort to make that happen.
• I’m really bad at organizing things and having an overall plan for stuff. So I’m wondering if every final product will even get it’s debut. I may finish it but it also may stay up on the shelf. I have lots of good friends and I’m wondering when and how I will reach out. I feel that if I sign this lease, if I make another portfolio, if I do another zine, then what? I’m terribly jealous of all those people who know how to organize because I honestly don’t know where to go from here.

Overall, I wonder if I’m just scared. But I feel so excited about it that I don’t know why I would be scared. Asking for help is always my weakest trait I guess and a lot of things I want to do will take community. I can’t do it alone. So I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. If only I could retreat into a writing shed to really think it over.

(Source: Los Angeles Times)